People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care – Theodore Roosevelt
What is one thing that successful teams, organisations and societies have in common?
Trust is the backbone of any relationship, any human endeavour.
Trust is the magical feeling, when I feel that you have my best interests in mind. That you have my back. When I feel safe, I can face the future with optimism and hope. When I feel you care deeply, and you will be there for me.
Especially in the rainy days…
Our past 200,000 years of human history has taught us that we are hardwired for cooperation and connection more than just competition, we are more inclined to trust rather than distrust one another.
We ALL need something to believe in, we all want to create, to live life fully. We want to Believe, to Belong, to Become….
But we can’t achieve any of that if we lack trust.
A Crisis of Trust
Today, trust has dropped sharply in our institutions, governments, in the media, in business organisations – and our leaders. And whist we see spectacular innovations in technology and AI, the bond between humans is breaking down….
Let’s look at the stats:
Only 36% of employees trust their leaders will act in their best interests.
Ony 38% believe business is doing a good job at “putting people before profits”.
Only 37% of employees believe that communications they receive is honest
We need to think differently about trust.
A different Playbook
We need to learn from history, psychology and neurobiology.
And from observing great leaders – what is it that they do differently?
Here are 7 principles I have observed:
#1. Competence is Not Enough. You need “Warm Intimacy”.
No doubt, expertise will earn you “credibility”. But for real trust what makes the difference is “Warm Intimacy”. The feeling that “you really know me and you are on my side.”
How do you achieve this?
Well, by listening to understand. By showing appreciation and curiosity. Through your language and your micro-expressions that signal you care, your smile, your shiny eyes….
It’s when you stop being the most-clever person in the room, and make other people feel they are the cleverest. As a leader reverse the speak/listen ratio – aim for 80% listen.
It’s by bringing genuine care for the unique human being near you, beyond the role or the task at hand.
It’s when in conversations you slow down and ask the 3 magic words “tell me more”….
When you celebrate diversity of ideas, and you support people to express and realise their dreams.
Empathy is your super power – It allows you to see into the emotions and minds of others.
Find people where they are first. And treat them as they want to be treated not as you want to be treated.
#2. People will reward you for competence. But people will love you, admire you and trust you for your Character.
Character is everything. Character is not just personality. It is the moral compass and your ability to DO what you know is right. To stick your neck out, when is difficult.
How courageous are you? How truthful? Are you all-in for others? Or for making the world simply more beautiful?
Do you have the internal discipline and stamina to do what’s right?
Character is the thousands of small things your team, your partner, your friends see every day in you. Compounded, they make the fabric of your trust-ability.
#3. Honour People’s Deep Human Needs
Remember that everyone has 3 fundamental needs, that you as a leader should nourish:
1/Make them love themselves for who they are today.
2/Make them feel significant to reach who they can become tomorrow.
3/ Make them feel Free and Independent; confident to follow their own path and make a difference in the world.
Be the person they will remember played a role in their lives’ trajectory.
#4. Approach with Compassion and Courage
Always keep standards high. Create an environment of Excellence. And in the way, acknowledge the value of any mistakes or failures – that will happen- as growth opportunities.
Don’t be afraid to challenge and stretch the ones you care for. Give difficult tasks and empower your team to deliver– but remind them that this is not just about the task, but who they become by doing it.
Have the tough conversations. This is also part of the game. Be open and transparent in your communication. Help them to see farther. They will appreciate and respect you forever – even if it may feel uncomfortable in the moment.
#5. Be Vulnerably Strong
What do I mean by this? Be honest about who you are. Admit you don’t have all the answers. Take feedback generously, even (or especially) when is critical.
Share the credits generously with your team and colleagues, yet fully own your mistakes. Fully. Like a Boss.
In arguments, change your perception: Don’t try to “be right” – but to Win together. Don’t take your sight off the big picture.
Ask: how can I help you more? And do it from your heart…
#6. Learn how to be a Servant Leader
Leadership is not about you, but it starts from you…The more we focus on ourselves, the less powerful and trustworthy we become.
To multiply your energy, take care of others, first. The Killer of trust is self-interest and self-orientation.
Like one CEO told me last week, “without my team I am dead”.
Resist the temptation to “put on your oxygen mask first” as an excuse. Make it about them not you.
And switch the story in your mind: From “Self-Care to Self-Improvement… so that I CAN make people’s lives better every day”.
#7. To Build Trust, you need to Trust Others First
The conventional wisdom is to test people before we grant them our trust – and this is understandable. You don’t want to be let down.
But here is the thing. Once you make a leap of faith and offer trust first, you will be amazed by how much people will “grow” and give you their very best.
As a leader, parent, teacher your role is exactly that. It takes strength and courage to extend trust. Make this your default mode and you will not be disappointed.
***
Trust creates better teams, organisations and societies. It is the heart of leadership.
We have been educated and incentivised in the old leadership paradigm of the industrial age – of control and top-down execution. Now we need to think differently about trust. This is an enormous opportunity that we owe to our people and ourselves.
This article was written for celebrating CRILIA’s 12th anniversary and work in growing leaders and teams to their best versions.
Articol scris de Harry Meintassis,
